The Desert of the Real

How I Remembered Who Time Forgot

​𝗜 𝘂𝘀𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗺 𝗺𝘆𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳 𝗯𝘆 𝘄𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮 𝗺𝗮𝘀𝗸. 😒

I had just completed a 35-day program at the Life Healing Center, and I was ready to be tested by the real world outside.

The problem was…

I felt like a new man.

I was so new to myself, that I didn’t know how to relate to my new Self.

I isolated myself from me, since there was nothing, and no one, to whom I could relate.

I had taken a hard look at the relationships that were no longer serving me, and lost touch with many people as a means of self-preservation.

Who was I now if I wasn’t my past, and only an uncertain future?

I was so afraid to see myself in the mirror of new possibilities, that I decided to wear the same mask that had covered up my inner beauty for so long.

The mask that made me believe I helped others more than others helped me.

The mask that protected my inner demons from the outer angels of fulfilling relationships.

The mask that withered with anger the spirit I was afraid of unleashing onto the world.

I was terrified to cross the desert of limitless expansion because I knew I would suffer exposure to the elements of reality.

I wanted to run by traveling different roads but could not hide with the same beggar’s clothes.

I rented a Jeep and embarked into the desert of New Mexico, driving all the way to the Pacific.

I soon remembered that the physical world “out there” extracted its meaning by the emotions 𝘪𝘯 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦.

𝗜 𝗿𝗲𝗺𝗲𝗺𝗯𝗲𝗿𝗲𝗱 when I noticed how uncomfortable and shy I would be around strangers, whereas my past Self was magnanimous and jovial to a fault.

𝗜 𝗿𝗲𝗺𝗲𝗺𝗯𝗲𝗿𝗲𝗱 when all I had was silence of original thought, which quieted the noisy chatter of self-talk.

𝗜 𝗿𝗲𝗺𝗲𝗺𝗯𝗲𝗿𝗲𝗱 when I walked in nature, being supported by the Divine elements that 𝘐 𝘭𝘦𝘵 myself embrace.

𝗜 𝗿𝗲𝗺𝗲𝗺𝗯𝗲𝗿𝗲𝗱 who I had falsely thought I was, when 𝘐 𝘭𝘦𝘵 myself feel who I truly was.

When 𝘐 𝘭𝘦𝘵 myself feel, all those emotions and thoughts at first burst out of control into a time-shattering tornado.

The winds of my new understanding cascaded into a downward torrent of confusion, followed by an upward spiral that settled in my heart’s center of gnosis.

Could I keep the faith that I would lead my life with a new knowledge?

Could I live with the uncertainty of starting fresh, on my own, and not having a roadmap that was given to me by society?

Or would I fall back into the same patterns, careers, and relationships?

I didn’t need to choose.

All I needed to do now was act.

Don’t compromise. Seek 𝗵𝗶𝗴𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗿𝘂𝘁𝗵.