The Ignorant Peace of Childhood
Innocence is always Calm before Love's Storm
𝗠𝘆 𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗱𝗵𝗼𝗼𝗱 𝗶𝗻𝗻𝗼𝗰𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗹𝗶𝘃𝗲𝗱 in 𝗶𝗴𝗻𝗼𝗿𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲. 👩👦
Not knowing my father.
Not knowing my future.
Yet I always knew my mother’s love.
I saw with my heart, felt with my eyes, and sensed reality through my nose.
I didn’t know anything about chronic stress or have many thoughts about what I should be or shouldn’t be.
Yet I could sense something just wasn’t right.
My little nose could smell my mom’s musty emotional burden when it nuzzled up against the shoulder pads of her polyester business suit.
She would cook me amazing baked ziti and lasagna, all from scratch herself.
She helped me with my homework.
She taught me how to speak Ukrainian.
She taught me how to be kind yet give a firm handshake.
She taught me to respect my elders yet remember that all respect is mutual.
However, after dinner was made, and the lessons were taught, she would go.
Back to the work of finding a good man.
Back to the society that I didn’t know anything about, but felt all the time through her stress.
I would come home some days from the school bus to an empty house because my mom was still working.
I’d watch scary movies alone, and eat as much chocolate as my undisciplined 7 year old self would permit.
As much as I felt abandoned at times, 𝗺𝘆 𝗺𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿'𝘀 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗿𝘁 never left me.
Even at my age, I knew she was also just a woman feeling alone and afraid in the wide world.
Not one of us can bear madness alone.
I would take a devoted single mother any day over a whole village of emotionally absent parents.
Why?
Because only a whole woman or man can make a whole heart.
My mother gave me that heart – the heart that allowed me to surmount the blackest of obstacles in the years to come.
The black of finally knowing what society and the broken hearts of men were capable of destroying…
𝙅𝙤𝙞𝙣 𝙢𝙚 in the following days as I tell you the story of how I was almost destroyed myself, and how the work of 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲 became my 𝗲𝗹𝗶𝘅𝗶𝗿.
Don’t compromise. Seek 𝗵𝗶𝗴𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗿𝘂𝘁𝗵.
Love,
Roman
I like your last line: "The black of finally knowing what society and the broken hearts of men were capable of destroying…" I wonder if most of the harm done by humans comes from broken hearts.
Talk about strength by showing vulnerability!
Your right. We can become our parents hearts whether they are good or bad.
Both my parents were school teachers, so they new Everything! My dad was religious and wanted to be a pastor. He was a very fearful and capable man. He found my mother and pretty much hid her from the world, as he was scared someone might wu her. She lived a nightmare, and after she became pregnant she decided to devote/ sacrifice everything for me and my brothers. She gave herself nothing. Finally after 40 years she left him at age 62 with my help. She had had dementia for years and hid it through discipline and will. She died at 64. I never knew her.
Children +he beneficiaries of lies.
You owe me your life.
I have sacrificed.
Thankyou Father, thankyou Mother.
I am in your debt, forever can you heap apon me your desires and your failings.
Your heirlooms are unwanted
Air looms- tools imbued by their descendants with light or dark energy.
Early 15c., ayre lome, a hybrid from heir + loom (n.) in its original but now otherwise obsolete sense of "implement, tool," extended to mean "article." Technically, some piece of property that by will or custom passes down with the real estate. General sense of "anything handed down from generation to generation" is from 1610s.
Mixed messages-
' you'r special and have the ability to do anything you want to in this world. ' as long as we approve..... ' thanks mummy. When do I get my I scream.
' You are a bad boy for not doing what we want, so you will receive out righteous punishment '.:
You will make us look bad in front of the commune. We do this out of love.
'I will show you a bad boy, and fuck you '
I just shortened this story from a Herman Hesse 'Demian' reading -
A young man fell in love without a star.
He knew his love would not be requited.
However he sacrificed himself for his love in hope that he would learn to be pious through faithful suffering.
Suddenly, on a day his worshipping had found him on a cliff by to the sea, the young man flung himself toward the star. Instantly he knew what he was doing was not possible, so he crashed into the sea.
Had he truly believed in his motion, he would have made it.
Love must have the strength to reach certainty for itself. Only then does it stop undergoing the power of attraction, but exerts it.